there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
