I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
