Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
