So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
