dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
we should paint friendship bongs
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
