Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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