You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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