How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
