I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
