You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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