Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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