Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
