sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
