He had one of those small greek statue penises
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize