I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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