dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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