There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
