She announced her abortion via fbk
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
