i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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