Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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