I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize