just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
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we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
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Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.