I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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