Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
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They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
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You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?