Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(216): View more from Ohio

Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?

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(216): Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing? http://tfl.nu/7r44

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(845): View more from New York

u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap

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(845): u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap http://tfl.nu/abw0

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(270): View more from Kentucky

I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.

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(270): I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world. http://tfl.nu/l4ml

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(578): View more from

oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.

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(578): oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home. http://tfl.nu/mth9

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.

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(412): he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor. http://tfl.nu/z7yu

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(646): View more from New York

just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.

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(646): just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice. http://tfl.nu/48r0

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity

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(215): Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity http://tfl.nu/eokb

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(917): View more from New York City

No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.

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(917): No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out. http://tfl.nu/gccc

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(478): View more from Georgia

You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable

(318): View more from Louisiana

You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.

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(478): You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable (318): You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call. http://tfl.nu/575v

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(310): View more from California

That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI

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(310): That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI http://tfl.nu/k5sn

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(509): View more from Washington

I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.

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(509): I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin. http://tfl.nu/0dob

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(647): View more from Ontario

So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.

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(647): So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers. http://tfl.nu/zbe6

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(865): View more from Tennessee

You are my mentor.

(276): View more from Virginia

I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.

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(865): You are my mentor. (276): I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement. http://tfl.nu/qxu9

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(303): View more from Colorado

Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.

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(303): Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package. http://tfl.nu/50h2

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(207): View more from Maine

Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."

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(207): Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever." http://tfl.nu/4u45

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