I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
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She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
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There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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