kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
