just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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