I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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