After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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