if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
