morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
