You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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