and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
