Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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