This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
