Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Randomize
