I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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