ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
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