my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
