fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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