Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
My vagina is very pro this idea
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
