dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
