Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
