i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
He has the fingertips of a God
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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