Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize