During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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