There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
