Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
