Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
