Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
