Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
