didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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