Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm getting married
To pizza
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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