I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
