is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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