On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
