so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
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I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
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Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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