I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
