also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
