youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
just come out here and I will go home with you...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
