I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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