i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize