I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
