is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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