the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
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Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
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I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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