Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize