wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
we should paint friendship bongs
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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