yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize